ARMY

REFERENCES: NEW FY09 ARMY POLICIES

1. Please disseminate to Soldiers at all levels. As result of Senate proposed force reductions and budget cuts, the Department of the Army has developed a program to reduce its number of personnel. This program is under test phase and will take affect 1 October 2009 (FY10). Under this new program, older Soldiers will be asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the younger Soldiers who will represent the future. Therefore, program will phase out older Soldiers by the end of the current fiscal year. This initial phase of the program will be known as SLAP (Soldier Late-Aged Program).

2. Soldiers who are SLAP'd will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the Army. SLAP'd Soldiers can request a review of their personnel records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All Soldiers who have been SLAP'd or SCREW'd may file an appeal with their chain of command with final authority at the MACOM level. This is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

3. Under the terms of the new policy, a Soldier may be SLAP'd once, SCREW'd twice, but may be SHAFT'd as many times as the Army deems appropriate.

4. If a Soldier follows the above procedures, he/she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment) unless he/she already has AIDS (Additional Income from Dependents or Spouse).

5. As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any Soldier who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAP'd or SCREW'd by the Army.

6. The Army wishes to assure the younger Soldiers who remain on board that the Army will continue its policy of training through our Special High Intensity Training (sh8*). This Army takes pride in the amount of sh8* our Soldiers receive. We have given our Soldiers more sh8* than any other service. If any Soldier feels they do not receive enough sh8* at their current post, see your immediate supervisor.

YOUR SUPERVISOR IS SPECIALLY TRAINED TO MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVE ALL THE sh8* YOU CAN STAND.

ARMY STRONG!