compilation of jokes.........hirit na

nawala antok ko ah!! nice joke KAPATID!

me katwiran nga naman

daryll wrote:

Couple talking:
wife : hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas.
husband : hello!? electrician ba ako?
wife : eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin.
husband : hello!? karpintero ba ako?
umalis c husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay. tinanong niya wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.
wife: kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay. sohe offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake ako ng cake.
husband : so pnag-bake mo siya ng cake?
wife : hello?! baker ba ako?!

Dear Anak,

Naipadala na namin ‘yung P50,000 na pamabayad sa tuition mo sa second sem. Ipinagbili na ‘yung kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng Counter Strike na kurso! Wala na rin tayong baboy, naipagbili na rin namin para sa sinasabi mong project, ' yung Nokia N75. Anak ang mahal naman ng project mo!

Kasama na sa ipinadala namin 'yung baon mo para sa field trip sa Mall of Asia. Malayo ba ‘yun? Bakit ang mahal din? Isinanla na namin ‘yung palayan para mabili na 'yung instrumento mong Video iPod. Napailaw n'yo na ba 'yung pinagpupuyatan ninyong San Mig Lights? Sana mag-graduate ka na at nang makaraos tayo sa hirap at mabayaran ang mga utang at mabawi ang bukirin natin.

Love,
Tay & Nay

IDD call from the KSA
Husband: Hon, musta na ang tindahan?
Wife: department store na!
Husband: ang tuba-an?
Wife: KTV bar na!
Husband: ang trickad?
Wife: taxi na!
Husband: ang dalawa kong anak?
Wife: lima na!

Suporta
Divorced father: Anak pag-uwi mo, ibigay mo sa Nanay mo itong tseke at sabihin mo 18 years old ka na, huling theke na makukuha niya for child support, tapos tingnan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.

Anak: Mommy, sabi ni Daddy ibigay ko daw sa 'yo itong tseke, last support na niya ito sa akin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tingnan ko raw ang expression ng face mo.

Mommy: Sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya, pakisabi salamat sa suporta kahit ‘di mo siya Tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo ang expression ng face niya

kratos nasa compilation ata ang iba nito jokes talaga hehehehe

MISTER: wala akong tulog dahil naiisip ko P500K na utang ko kay pare.
MISIS: madali yan! Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mong hindi ka makakabayad sa utang mo para siya naman ang hindi makatulog!

****

JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord,
swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?
ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.

****

JEEP PASSENGER: manong bayad.
JEEP DRIVER: saan galling?
JEEP PASSENGER: sa akin.
JEEP DRIVER: papunta saan?
JEEP PASSENGER: sayo.



Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?
Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at
magpapaligo sa kanya, kasi, putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.
Babae: Hah?! Hin di nga?!?
Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!

****

Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda?
Mr: Oo naman.
Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?
Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.

JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord,
swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?
ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.

:roll: :roll: pulis pala hahahhaa ..nice one bro..

A woman goes to town hiring somebody to work on her farm. She has the choice of a gay man, a druggie or a child molesting freak show. She didn't want anybody screwing their kids, nor she didn't want a druggie hanging around her place, so she chose the gay man.

After a week of work, she felt that the gay man did really good, and he needed a break. So she said to him."You can have the night off, here's $20.00. You can go to town or the bar if you want to, but don't come back too late!"

Around midnight, the gay man came home, to find his boss sitting in her bedroom. She said to him, "Take off my blouse for me," so he does. Then she says, "Take off my bra for me," so he does. Then she says, "Take off my skirt for me," so he does. Then she says, "Take off my panties for me," so he does. Then she says, "Take off my shoes for me." So he does. And then in anger, she says "Never wear my clothes to town again! You're fired!"

President Barack Obama finally calls up Malacanang:


Obama:May I speak with that small but great filipina who is the pride of all filipinos?

GMA: (kinilig)Yes?how are you mr president?

Obama:Congratulations,Charice! That was a great performance you gave at my inauguration!

TGP wrote:

President Barack Obama finally calls up Malacanang:


Obama:May I speak with that small but great filipina who is the pride of all filipinos?

GMA: (kinilig)Yes?how are you mr president?

Obama:Congratulations,Charice! That was a great performance you gave at my inauguration!

si Charice pala hindi si GMA hahahaha :roll: :roll:

APO: lola, aatend ako ng tipar.
LOLA: anong tipar?
APO: Tipar is party.
LOLA: Puro salitang kalye! mga PS kaung lahat!
APO: anu ung PS lola?
LOLA: Paking Shet!

LOLO: paki abot naman yang posporo.
LOLA: anjan naman yung shellane eh!
LOLO: so, ipanlilinis ko yung shellane sa tenga ko?

Anak: papa nagtumbling ako sa skul!
Ama: I told you huwag kang magtatumbling at makikita yang panty mo!
Anak: Hindi naman nakita eh, kasi nilagay ko sa bag ko!

pangga wrote:

APO: lola, aatend ako ng tipar.
LOLA: anong tipar?
APO: Tipar is party.
LOLA: Puro salitang kalye! mga PS kaung lahat!
APO: anu ung PS lola?
LOLA: Paking Shet!

:roll: :roll: mapauso nga yan!

Wife: hon, sino si trixie?
Husband: ah, kabayo yun. Yung pinusta ko sa karera.
Wife: ah ganun? Cge sagutin mo telepono! tumatawag ung kabayo..

pangga wrote:

Wife: hon, sino si trixie?
Husband: ah, kabayo yun. Yung pinusta ko sa karera.
Wife: ah ganun? Cge sagutin mo telepono! tumatawag ung kabayo..

aba pwedeeeeeeeeeeee!! 1 point for you...

sa party, nilapitan ng isang guwapong lalake ang isang babae.
Lalake: sasayaw kaba?
tuwang tuwa ang babae na tumayo..
Babae: yes!!!
Lalake: buti naman...paupo ha.....

ok mga jokes mo sis,natural na natural ngyayare sa tunay na buhay

LECTURE PULIS:Checkpoint lng,sir.Saan kau puopunta? LUCAS:S a isang lecture. PULIS:Sino naman ang may ganang mag lecture ng madaling araw? LUCAS:Ang misis koh....

aba..aba..aba..
umaariba ka madam pannga sa comedy ha...hehe
pero ayos patok...hehe

Lalake at babae mgkatabi sa bus…

Babae : Sir ung City Hall nyo bukas
Lalake : (bumubulong) ok tong katabi ko ah npka formal pinaganda tawag sa zipper kong
bukas… ahhhhm miss nakita mo bang sumilip si mayor…
Babae : Hndi po sir….pero nakita ko 2 nyong konsehal kulubot na… :roll: :belat:

Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of the Philippines ?

Contestant: Niyog?

Host: Mas matigas pa dyan.

Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!



Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?

Contestant: Sa Back?

Host: Hindi parin. Para mas madali, "R.P." and initials ng modern name nito ( Rizal Park ).

Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)



Host: Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?

Contestant: Banyo?

Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maarawan ka.

Contestant: Bubong?

Host: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.

Contestant: Beerhouse!



Host: Anong "L" (lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?

Contestant: Lifebuoy?

Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalang ito.

Contestant: Safeguard?

Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.

Contestant: Safe Buoy?

Host: Hindi siya "boy" matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.

Contestant: Ah, Mr; Clean!



Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) and ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?

Contestant: Sirena?

Host: Hindi. Hindi ito babae.

Contestant: Siyokoy?

Host: Hindi ito lalake.

Contestant: Siyoke?



Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines ?

Contestant: Sunflower

Host: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye

Contestant: Stork?

Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?

Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?

Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan kp pa! Anong pangalan na nagsisimula sa "S" nagtatapos sa letrang "A" at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?

Contestant: Si……Sharon Cuneta!




Host: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grand Master (Eugene Torre) of Asia ?

Contestant: Carole KING?

Host: Hindi, mas mababa sa king.

Contestant: AlL QUINN?

Host: Hindi, tagalong ang apelyido niya.

Contestant: Armida Sigiuon-REYNA?

Host: Hindi parin. Mas mababa sa reyna.

Contestant: BISHOP Bacani?

Host: Mas mababa sa bishop.

Contestant: Johnny MidNIGHT?

Host: Mas mababa sa knight.

Contestant: Jerry PONS?

Host: Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.

Contestant: Sylvia la TORRE!

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He Said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

The wife went; "ah!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "....and I can't remember who she was!"
By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water



Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!
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